we are the new shit.

M.O.T is proud to announce that we have finally hit our 10th fan mail. YAHOOBEEDOO. Yes, we started out in early March this year, and now that its halfway through August, we have only 10 miserable emails in our inbox.

10 fucking stupid mails, and half of them are from the same people. Fuck, we don't even receive hatemails. What do our readers do after they read M.O.T anyway? Go read about how Xiaxue clubs and how she calls her mother momo? Even our friendster has only a whoopin 15 friends. If there are as many twits hater as we are told in our pink gh3y tagboard, send us a fucking email, sign us up for donkey porn, anything.

We, like every other nipple sucking baby, need reassurance. We need to be constantly reminded that our readers love us. Even if you hate us and think we're the worst thing ever since the bubble tea craze ended, email us and tell us how much you want us dead.

EMAIL US NOW. *showers voodoo fairy dust that smells very much like pepper and start chanting* EMAIL US NOW. EMAIL US NOW. EMAIL US NOW. EMAIL US NOW.

If that didn't work..

+_.// ~ ttelll m0ii euu h3arTtx mmeee!! ~ \\._+

or..

If you send us a mail before midnight, your crush will tell you something very important ("you stupid belching sucker") before you go to sleep. If you break this chain, your crush will neber tok to euu 184.

Heh, quickly tell us you love us.

Anyway, despite the very little 10 emails we have received, we've decided to bluff you stupid but very nice and lovable readers that its our 100th and we're celebrating it the xiaxue way.

Yes, that's right. We're actually desperate fans of xiaxue that can't get enough of her godlike photshopped pictures. So we're doing what Xiaxue would have done if she was in our shoes. We're going to post your stupid email here and show it to the world wide web.

Our 10th 100th email, and it asks us some dumb question.

Of course, we're more than please to answer TJ's question, since its our 100th email and we have no grand prize for you, we can only publish your email in our blog and make you an instant celebrity, more instant than Fiona Xie's breasts.

So how do a perfectly sane and twittish-free person deal with some childish people, if I would assume, some stupid twits?

Well, the very basic thing you can do is to understand their thinking. You have to realise that these people are what I would call, fucking stupid pieces of purds that have their scroctums for their brains. To understand them, be one with them, we have to make a connection. Take modem speeds for example. You try sending a 2 hour long home-made porn file with a 512k modem to some random jackass with a 56k modem. By the time the file is totally transfered, the jackass would have probably ejaculated 27 times.

However, it is almost impossible to increase their brain power, since their brains are too congested with the *%&$^%#^$)()!#$\/ that are decorated all over every other word. So you have to give in a little and think like some dumb ugly kid who believes the whole world loves you just because you have 14 friendster accounts and 7000 friends.

When you have sunk that low, there will, of course be side effects. You might start to feel that everyone's not treating your fairly, and your life revolves around your jiemuis, dis and kors. You start listening to My Chemical Romance and aspire to form a band, and you even planned on taking a neoprint with your band. You call your band Pink Crescent Love and make a new genre of music called "Heavy Pink Rock". When that happens, please refrain from cutting yourself and remind yourself continuously that this is all for a good cause. However, when you step over the limit and start learning Para Para dance moves that were extinct eons ago.. EVACUATE MISSION ASAP. DO NOT MAKE ANY CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND QUARENTINE YOURSELF. CALL THE 1900-911-freechat MAKE A FRIEND HOTLINE WHEN YOU FEEL BORED AND FOOD RATIONS WILL BE DROPPED INTO YOUR HOUSE THROUGH HELICOPTERS WEEKLY.

We have achieved our first goal. Let's head on to the second.

I know this might sound really sad, but you have to mingle with those twits you want to deal with, become part of their jiemuis gang or whatsoever. Go town with them at least eight times a week and hug each other and start squealing for no apparent reason now and then. Make a blog with layouts from _\\baby-d0ll_wawa\\ that must have pink. Important point to note, must have pink. Start blogging about how you love your jiemuis gang and how you all will be jiemuis 184. Make a tagboard and call it your boardie. Pose as some anonymous fella and scold yourself and your jiemuis in your own tagboard. Then use your original identity and start scolding anonymous and jioing anonymous out to settle. Be as vulgar as possible, it makes you seem loyal and everyone likes fierce girls, all thanks to My Sassy Girlfriend.

When you have broken into their little miserable circle of friends, step two is thus a success. You have infiltrated their group and like a trojan, you wait.. you bond.. you make real close connections with each and everyone of them.. then you strike.

Every twit hates backstabbers, no doubt about that. They don't hate pickpockets, robbers, thieves, murderers, rapists, paedophiles, illegal immigrants, homosexuals, but they hate backstabbers. So with that in mind, do what a girl does best.

Bitch, and bitch, and bitch like your pussy has sand in it. Tell 'A' about how 'B' is seeing the guy that asked for her number. Tell 'C' how 'B' stole her idea for their monday's town outing's dress. Tell 'B' how 'A' complains about her hitting on other people's guys. Tell 'B' how 'C' accused her of being a copycat. Tell 'D' only you think that she is pretty. The other jiemuis are jealous of her beauty and are badmouthing her. Tell 'A', 'B' and 'C' that 'D' is still a virgin. Tell 'E' her grandma in korea is dying.

There, if you followed my example, give it a day or two all of them will be at each other's throats. Jiemuis no more, and they will all disperse and fade into their own circles of friends. Well, for 'E', you can tell her her grandma last minute decided to migrate to Japan. 'E' will be so busy in Japan shopping for pink and more pink, she won't even notice anyone's missing.

There, T.J. The very effective yet simple method to deal with those brainless twits. And they'll still think you're the best jie ever, never once backstabbing them. They will send u pretty and decorated goodnight SMS to you every night and you will be on your bed laughing your mighty M.O.T-ed ass off at what stupid losers they are.

HA, HA.

Also, to fans of HVV (if there were even any in the first place), HVV has to go over to Melbourne for some exchange program in his job, who cares :x, so for now it would be just the two of us. But don't fret, HVV will be back before the next Harry Potter book comes out, bigger and better.

So if any of you have any well wishes for HVV, please send them over to twitsPI@yahoo.com. HVV will make sure he replies to each and every fan/hate mail, if anyone bothers to send one, that is.

So from the two of us in M.O.T, we wish you a safe trip and a fast return, you darned HVV. WE LOVE EUUZXXZXZX.

*starts searching for fen shou kuai le lyrics to copy and paste up here*

Okay, so as to express how "lame" Mr Pring can get... I'm here to share with you a little joke which I accidentally stumbled upon while at a store. Yes, it is going to be lame, so please do not slam Mr Pring just because you cannot tolerate his lame-ness.

Introducing.. every twit's favourite snack! *drum roll*
Twities!



Hurray! It looks yummy, doesn't it? Currently, there is only one flavour...And that's all the twits need, really. (And I'm just too lazy to go and draw the other flavours out. Oops peace please.)

Twities is full of nutritional value.
In every 100g, it provides 5.6g of bad judgement, 3.8g of nonsense, 2.4g of Hokkien vulgarities, 1.6g of alternate caps, 4.5g of bad photoeditting skills, and 2.1g of stupidity.

Can you imagine how twits would react if they watch the advertisement?
They'd probably go:
Twit 1: Wahz! New snack manz! Sho cool, ai wanna to try it!
Twit 2: Really? Is it yummy de mahz?
Twit 1: Dunno wor.. neber tried b4 leh... bud looks nice h0r..
Twit 2: Knn Euu neber answer mi.. Ai ask euu nice tu eat or nort lar..
Twit 1: h0ng kan lar. ai shae neber eat b4 nahz. euu neber dig ear huhx?! cb!

So twits, look out for this new product in leading department stores!

Alright alright. This was stupid. ^_^v pEaCe..
I was just suffering from my usual insomnia and this was a way to set myself to sleep... gee. I just exhibited my lameless to the rest of the world! Oh no! *runs to hide*

Note from Pring: This entry was not written by the uber handsome Mr. Pring. It was written by Miss Pring Jr, the sister of that gorgeous man. So you should be able to assume that she's a gorgeous lady with intellect. Oh anyway, she insisted she had to post this entry because she just felt so grossed out by the people she meets- and wants the whole world to know that such twits really do exist. So, freak out!

Twits of the Day: SCHOOLMATES
Yes, I wouldn't call them friends. Mind you, I don't have twits as friends. Oh damn, how could the sister of dropdead super handsome Pring be soooooooo mean!? No. I make myself clear. Miss Pring Jr. is not unsociable, it's just that she prefers to choose her friends wisely. I would just call those people my acquaintances, and that's already too good a name to call them because they might not even deserve that title! Ha! Joking. I will stop being so proud. lol :)
+.*^`pEaCe oRhsS ^_^v ~`^*.+

---

As my CCA is in charge of classes visiting SWAMI home, we're supposed to be there when classes take turns to visit the home right? Okayyyyyy.. so these 2 pretty, smart, popular girls from the top class are always attempting to act friendly to everyone. (oops I almost mentioned their CCA.)

They approached my 2 other friends and tried to initiate a conversation, but ended up making a fool out of themselves.

Twit 1: Hey.... What are you guys doing here ah??
My CCA mate: Oh.. just helping out lor.
Twit 2: Do what? Play soccer with them ah??
I think to myself: Am I supposed to laugh or cry?
-Twit 1 sees my expression and glares-
-I look away -
My CCA mate: Huh??

HELLO. In case you haven't been to SWAMI home, I will tell you- almost all of the patients there are wheelbound. And she should have noticed it, considering she is supposed to be one of the smartest people in school already.
I wanted to laugh my head off after that. Why didn't she ask if I am teaching those patients stuff from my textbook? I brought my schoolbag along too. D'OH!

Twit 2: Ohh.. cos your friend brought a soccer ball along mah..

---
Okay okay, how about another one now.

Girl: Arghh, I can't run.
Twit: Why cannot run?
Girl: I got some health problems... like when I run, or when it gets too cold... my heart would hurt.
Twit: Oh, that happens to you ahh?

---

Malaysian: I seldom watch movies one la.
Twit: Oh, Malaysia got cinema or not ar?
Apparently! OMG! What does she think of Malaysia? Some kind of kampong? Even Afghanistan has theatres for heaven's sake!

---

Friend: Omg, that cat is so cute!
Twit: What is a cat?
I assume you are able to understand why this twit deserved her label.

---

Twit: Wah, your pencilbox so big, you might as well use a bag.
*searches pencilbox and takes out glue*
Twit: Is this glue?
I felt quite disgusted with the smart question she asked. Or you might tell me she is too smart until she forgets the simplest things. Even an idiot would know what to do under this circumstance. To prevent herself from looking so stupid, she could have just read the label before she talked, couldn't she?

---

Twit: Eh, why you wear black from head to toe?
Friend: Um, what's wrong?
Twit: Should wear all pink mah....

---

Twit 1: Hee! Let's come up with nicknames to call each other! Okie?
Twit 2: Err, okie lor. What?
Twit 1 to Twit 2: Call you Roxy!
Twit 1 to Twit 3: Hmm, call you Rip Curl!
Twit 1 to Twit 4: You ar.. Quiksilver ba! ^^ Then I called Billabong lor!
Haven't seen anybody as ridiculous as this, have you? Even a nickname like "Happy Nincompoop" sounds better than using brand names as NICKNAMES. Oh come on, this is almost equivalent to lacking the creativity to come up with a nick that you have to resort to stealing somebody else's nickname. What's more? It sounds totally stupid. I would suggest them calling each other, "Retard" "Idiot" and "DumbAss".

---

Well, I guess that's all I have to share. Although there aren't many, but my brother said those are enough to leave the readers disturbed for the rest of the day. So.. yup I end my ranting here. Adios.

-Miss Pring Jr.

绝对Superstar! 有你没有他！



I actually bothered to watch. I have my reasons!! It is known to all, whether viewers or not, that Derrick has many supporters from Singapore's 小妹妹s. I was told that he has a boyish look, very cute, very kawaii, especially when he smiles. Luckily, he wasn't as bad as I thought he would be. He did not resemble Sly in terms of appearance.

So week after week, I glued myself to the TV, in hope that Derrick would be eliminated. Bear in mind that I have nothing against him. I'm only interested in his audience. Heh.

So blah blah blah, the show went on. And guess what!? Derrick got ELIMINATED! Yay.


Kelvin? Whatever his name is, was the contestant standing beside supercuteDerrick and got voted in. I remember vividly that he said

"我知道你有很多歌迷。这次你出局了，他们一定会恨我。但我希望不会。应为我也不想这样的。"

Awww.

Then you have Quan Yi Feng at the side with Derrick The Eliminated One


Feng: See that fucker like that say you
Derrick: Ya fucker. Knn he watch out later.
Feng: Aiya forget it lah. Tsk tsk LIVE leh. Faster act sad la!


Derrick: Hannah, can't see i preparing liao ah?
Feng: Machiam gek sai sia. Eh eh. Got response liao! Faster see...


Derrick: Heheheh... See this side!


Fan: Omg...*Boohoohoo*


Derrick: Eh not bad sia! Lai see this side


Fan: Omg superkuteDerrick out liaoz! KNNBCCB waste mua tym and marnie... Wah lao ehx.. PCB.


Derrick: How come their response weird weird wan sia...



















Fan: cb my makeup gone lehx! On tv confirm beri argly de lahx!! argh! dunch sh00t me ler larx.. h0ng kan narx!



















Derrick: Eh WHAT THE FUCK!? 原来。。。



Fans: CHEE BYE LA. OUR BILLS HOW!?!?!?! SI liao lArx.. h0w mie go homE? nExt MoNtH bo lui g0 tHis FasHi0n sh0ppIng LeRx.. pUi!


Fans: Nabei...can throw all these away liao larx...


Derrick: HaixXx....Out lerx...sh0 sad siahx...


Derrick: Knn...Don't know how to call somemore? Stupid fans...no looks nevermind liao...still bo tao nao!


Xin Huey(from the other corner, being a person with slow mind): Eh? Derrick out liao?


Xin Huey(patting her chest): Heng sia! Derrick so many xiaomeimei support finally out liao. Now left that Kelvin nia, small fry la!

And so, after all the commotions, the show finally came to an end,
Everyone took turns to give poor Derrick a hug...



It lasted quite some time...


Okay maybe a little too long...

Hi one and all,

The long-awaited Twit Dictionary has finally been launched. This dictionary is dedicated to all fans of MOT and admirers of the super yandao ME! Yes, yes. All of you mean alot to me. Without you guys, the handsome would not be able to find inspiration or motivation to come up with a post.. You are the moon.. I'm the star.. Oh crap. Well.. back to topic. AS I was saying..

Everyday, a "twit-ish" word would be randomly selected and posted.

Objective:
1. Satisfy the curiosity of non-twits who attempt to research about The Twit Language. (Search no more! Enlightenment is here!)
2. Solely entertainment for the people with no lives.
3. Mock the stupid, of course!

If you have really TWIT-ish words and would like to share it with us, please e-mail to twitsPI@yahoo.com. Your suggestion would be greatly appreciated and yes, we will give you credit for that. :)
(Or you could drop me a love letter at that same e-mail address. It's really really reallyyy OKAY with me!)

The National Day special was such a hit, I thought why not get one more entry and ride on its success?

So here I present you, through an array of outlets on how twits enjoyed their nation's 40th birthday. From much elaborated research, its cool to be patriotic if you belong to the twit circle this year, solely because Taufik Batisah is so friggin hot and Rui En once had a rumour with Jay Chou before. And the dumb song they sang together. Yeah, that too.

To them, they think Lee Kwan Yew is the President and Nathan sells takopachi in Bugis. So let's see how they REALLY celebrated national day.

Investigation: Kawaii neh blogs.

Since twits love to blog so much about how this guy asked for their number or how they went down to Bedok to settle daiji, I'm sure they'd grab this chance to blog about something more exciting than watching glue harden and blog all about their day in Padang, or wherever you can see the darned fireworks.

Case Study #1 : http://www.never-bbe.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Ytd parade was damn damn damn nice.. If onli i wass at dd xian chang.. oh man.. so shuang las..i saw Gina on dd tee vee!.. hahas..=))Urghs.. i missed half of dd fireworks sehh.. Cos myy mother sae kan bu dao derh.. n i believe her.. l0ll.. Dd fiireworks so da damn damn Nice las.. budd ii diin wennt to dd carnival los.. wadd a pity mann.. sure be lotsa fun derhs..= (Oh yarhs.. 9plus dat tyme i went dwn n ii saw dd army's car n fire engines.. whee.. dd road was sealed frr dd cars to pass.. everyone wass shoutiin damn loudly sehh.. arrghhhdd soldiers was damn high tOo.. they wave.. they shout.. whee..den aft tt wennt tmall shop shop.. warhs.. so mani pple los.. they re floodin tmall.. hahas.. lame..budd zhen de hen duo ren.. yepps..No skkool todae.. yeye..!=)) cant wait frr fridae..!!!!tis yr National Day so rawkks..!!

never hadd dd dday- 10:59:00 AM

There's nothing special about her entry, seriously. Well, the typical twit I should say - twittish typing, act so exciting when she didn't even see shit at home, thinks that any hot army guy sitting in tanks are sHo hiGh tOo. And her fucking blog had Greenday's new song playing, extremely irritating. The title's something about waking up when whoever's period ends. Go figure.

Case Study #2: http://nothing-seemx-ritex.blogspot.com/

...blah blah blah she described the whole goddamn thing even what bus she took fuckit fuckit fuckit...

after tt we went to eat seafood steamboat..was like okok only..then when we were eating,the concert began..the singers were so loud lors..actually very fun lors..cos we could listen to singers while eating..hahas..then when we were about to finish,the jue dui SUPERSTARS came..hahas..my mom,younger bro and me were so excited..i jus cant wait to see them lors..they were so kwet,handsome and prettie esp junyang and kelly..they sang their theme song,cesci cesci bon,lao shu ai da mi and one national day song..i so love them sing the lao shu ai da mi..hahas..cos almost all the audience were singing together lors..i took some pictures of them lors..after the superstars left,alot ppl also left together lors.. then we went back to eat our free ice-cream..hahas..

after tt,my mum heard Wu Qi Xian singing..my parents were excied so we all went forward to see lors..took pictures again..hahas.. it was the end of the concert los..then everyone went home lors..me reach home like about 12.15..so late hors..hahas..then me got nth better to do so sleep at 1am lors..today woke up very late lors..me lazy pig mahs..hehex...then in the end ate lunch instead of breakfast...hahas..gonna be a boring day at home lors...

ARGHHH. Praise the lord (eat that, you CHC people who keep saying I'm being mean) I didn't go down to Marina. JUE DUI SUPERSTAR? Fuck you, Nathan. Can't you think of something less idiot-entertaining for us? Of all things, fuck I'd rather see Tyra Banks trying to act pretty on the stage.

when we were about to finish,the jue dui SUPERSTARS came..hahas..my mom,younger bro and me were so excited..i jus cant wait to see them lors..they were so kwet,handsome and prettie esp junyang and kelly.

Nevermind a twit like you fell for the stupid singing competition that produces singers that'd probably last shorter than a can of tuna, your mom and younger brother too? Mothers should be going for Dongfang Billy or Bae Yong Jun, NOT the kwet, handsome and prettie junyangs and kellies. As for your brother, I pray for you he doesn't turn out gay.

All in all, the only good thing that happened to you on your nation's birthday is probably the free ice cream.

Case Study #3: http://www.lostfaithineuu-.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, August 10, 2005
oh my.
so much to blog abt ystd.
I LOVE NATIONAL DAY!
* jumping like mad
went to the tampines ndp carnival with bro, mum, aunt, and chirst!
though i cldn't make it to the padang
the atmosphere was definitely as great as the one at padang!
well, the weather is HOT HOT HOT.
within minutes upon reaching i was ald perspiring like hellas.
but christ kept making my laugh
so i still enjoyed EVERYTHING anyway.
collected my goodie bag.
YAY!
i got the green one!
first thing i looked for was none other than the DISCOUNT BOOLKET!
sounds like auntie right?
but the discounts mostly apply to FOOD
and i am ANTI-FOOD :D
ohman.
tampines is a sea of WHITE.
so many white chairs neatly lined .
we quickly snatched seats
hahas. typically kiasu bunch.
and the moment we have all been waiting for finally began!
AARON AZIZ IS DROP-DEAD HOT!
hahas.
well. most of the time it was BORING.
the stupid army cars drove past so slowly,
that after i finised my snacks they were still driving away
how are they going to protect singapore like that?
by the time they reach, the whole singapore is GONE.
MAN.
i couldn't see KAESS AND GINA.
arghh!
our spirts were lifted when rui en and taufik made their appearances
we sang along loudly, we were so enjoying oursleves.
let's reach out for the skies, with wings we soar up high *

i simply love the night breeze.
and then. the FIREWORKS.
never have i been so close in distance with fireworks before
they were so BREATH-TAKING
everything was like MAGIC.
i was completely mesmerized by the fireworks throughout the 2 minute display
i took down everything with my digi camera
and until now i still keep replaying the fireworks display :D
GIVE ME FIREWORKS!
then the national day drew to a close.
so fast, so soon.
can't be bothred to rush home to catch shooting stars.
the actors are just nothing but CRAP!
so we stayed a little while more.
just can't bear to take my butts off the seats
HAHAS.

lovedd.<3;2:00>

I've just about had it with every other twit saying how breathtaking, magical, astounding, kidney snatching the fireworks were. Fuck it, they were just colourful lights in the air and they're only pretty cause the night sky's black and the contrast is FUCKING OBVIOUS, that's why. This twit's pathetic, not only did she fall in love with the fireworks and described as if it was her first time seeing it, she had to videotape it with her digital camera and replay, replay, and replay. It happens every fucking year, and if I'm not wrong its been happening for 40 fucking years. I'm rather surprise she wasn't interested in Shooting Stars, I thought twits like her would be dribbling saliva in front of the tv set waiting for Sylvester the hot kid who machiam never eat for 40 days.

Sometimes I wonder, 10 years down the road, what will the twit-infested Singapore turn out to be? Will the NDP only exist for kawaii fireworks and pop songs? Will the marching become vintage Disney characters parading down the stadium?

Fuck, now that I think about it, its fucking scary. So the bible actually has some truth in it, the end is near. All thanks to the twits, ah.

Of course, our beloved smaller-than-a-red-bean-on-a-map country has finally become 40 years old. Every year, a very grand celebration would be held.

Being good citizens, we MOT have decided to celebrate National Day, but telling the world how pinksters celebrate National Day.

We all love goodie bags don't we? The free biscuits, mineral water, binoculars and booklets of shopping vouchers. I could still remember my favourite item, the kok kok maggie mee wooden thing. Gaah.

But the pinkters don't celebrate together with the rest of the country. They have, their very own goodie bag! :D

This is a picture of it.

"What fecking bag is that?" It's a very special plastic bag, I insist. WHY? See below!


Yup yup, it has several merlion icons on it. And that makes it really unique. You know, since when do you find pinksters so patriotic? Curious to see what's inside eh? Let me show you.


So pinkish! Almost everything you need to be a pinkster! ^_^ Aww, how thoughtful! Strawberry milk, strawberry-flavoured Pocky, random cosmetic, mirror, sharp comb, pink hairband, and wow, coupons!

Crowd pleaser, pink PMK shirt!

Remember, mIlK mAkEs eU dRuNk oHhs!


Weather is hot during the parade, so you need a hairband to tie your rebonded hair! :D


Pink nail polish for your alien nails. Yay! Finally, don't have to buy them anymore. This is for free!




Hate that surface like moon on your face? Worry no more, help is here. This can form super thick layers and hide all that holes you have.

How could we forget, Mirror and comb!


It's even 2 sided. Now you can look at yourself 24/7. How kawaii ah~

Now more ahlians can stab one another now :D



Random cosmetic!


Temporary tattoos so you can wash away when your mommy disapproves of it!



In case you are feeling hungry, here are some nutritional yet pink food to satisfy your hunger.

What do twits love? Shopping! Discounts. Of course their vouchers are special :D
(Click for bigger view)

Very sweet, aye? We want to see more!


Actually it was a better bargin if it was a "Do 3 piercings and get 2 free!" :( Sue them!


Emo specs for you ma'am?


Oh my god, this has got to be my favourite! Pads with heart shaped wings! Where else can you find that except at Bimbo Land?


YES! This will definitely come in very handy for a bimbo! 99% of the coupons issued would definitely be used, I can assure you.


We love this one as well. Very useful for newbies who totally do not know how to edit pictures on their computers.


For some starters or bimbos wannabe, this is a very good start and would be very useful.


This is quite weird.


Yes! Sly as cover! I'm sure you have seen this guide everywhere at newspaper vendors and bookstores. Now we have something extra to give away as you get yourself a copy of the guide!


Unlike the real PMK, this is a little more different. You get to redeem PURE milk. And I mean MILK, not a damn stupid shirt that prints Pure Milk. Unless you're a pregnant woman with swollen busts, you probably don't have any milk.


A not-necessarily-must-have, but is a probably-should-have.

Also, a parody of the theme song might be created. It'll probably go like this!
Pring's version:
Reach for the Guys

My friends all call me hoe
But I prefer "xIaObLuR"
I catch no ball!
Makeup keeps me alive

On my "heals" I am tall
Go on a shopping spree
Fats and my high esteem
Trying out bikinis!

Chorus
Let's reach out for the guys
Break up and we will cry
New steads we'll all achieve
And try to act whiny

Let's reach out for the guys
Drama skills we apply
Go out must wear no sleeve
Let's charm and reach for the guys

When i think about my case
Cantonment it shall be
The time has come for me
To cut and chup in

With lurve within our hearts
As one hand in hand
Jiemuis qing shen never ends
Let's fight the best we can

Chorus
Let's reach out for the guys
Break up and we will cry
New steads we'll all achieve
And try to act whiny

Let's reach out for the guys
Drama skills we apply
Go out must wear no sleeve
Let's charm and reach for the guys

We can lure the guys

Let's wink and reach for the guys!

Due to extreme boredom, a HORNY version has been created as well.
Camry's Version (Not for kids under 13):
Reach out for the Guys
At a time when love was low
The Sex seems unsure
But through it all
You've kept your sperms alive

Now standing proud and tall
My cheebye loose and free
Buidling on hopes and dreams
Its in me I want you to be

Chorus
Let's reach out for the guys
Make out til we get high
Orgasm we'll all achieve
We'll make our own baby!

Let's reach out for the drive
Our backs we'll arch up high
Orgasm we must achieve
Let's moan and reach for the drive

When i think about your dick
The spErms, oh so sweet!
The time has come for us
To beep and to scream

With semen inside me
As one hand with dick
For pleasure and excitement
Let's do the best we can

Let's moan and reach for the guys!

Last but not least, we present to you:
HVV's Version
Reach out for the Beng

At a time when hope was low
Marlboro taste like sai
I need to kan
the girls from Selangkor

My lanjiao's very long
Its standing strong and free
I only hope tonight
Her pussy's not too big

Chorus
Let’s reach out for the bengs
and stab them with their combs
The sharp and pointy ones
Save the world from tragedy.

Let’s reach out for the bengs
and steal their Gatsby wax
Say bye, to centre parting
Who still want to chup with you


S.G.Fashionholics
Ah beng's good friend in need
Teach how to be japster
REMEMBER O.S.G?

FHM and Maxim
Helps them to PCC
Because they're just too cheap
To sign up for Broadband

Chorus
Let’s reach out for the bengs
and stab them with their combs
The sharp and pointy ones
Save the world from tragedy.

Let’s reach out for the bengs
and steal their Gatsby wax
Say bye to centre parting
Who still want to stead with you

My bros, one family
Let's strip and take neoprints!

ANG SOON TONG HUUUUUUAAAT!

When kids are still at the below 13 year old range and '* -_::ttypexx liddattx, iit ishh f0rgivvable::_- *'. But when puberty kicks in and they still insist that it is their personal unique style when the world has probably millions other twits who tthinnk deyy rre uniqque bbcos deyy typExx liddatx, I really should recommend them a good institute to recuperate their mental health.

So when these twits get to the age when sex is illegal but is the only way to get a guy/ impress a girl with your well hung thang, twits will thus have intercourse, preferably with another twit since banging a twit might cause you to lose just a few thousands of brain cells. It doesn't really matter for them, since they have no brains to develops brain cells in the first place.

Firstly, I'd rate this article R21, as certain sexual issues will be covered. However, we all know nobody seriously gives a fuck and you'd all read on anyway. So there.

**

Firstly, let us start this article with a picture of twits having sex. I couldn't really find any pictures over the net, so I decided to come up with the next best thing.

Unf unf baby.

I know what you're thinking, that this picture has completely nothing to do with twits. Well, think about this. Can a kawaii jap dude penetrate a kawaii jap gerger with such a forceful impact like the elephant does to his female mate? Can a ah-lian-who-keeps-on-denying-she's-not-lian moan as erotically as the female elephant?

Well, I bet the male elephant could penetrate the kawaii jap dude if he wants to.

**

Interesting Facts on Twits and intercourse

1) No matter how many condoms you put on or whatsoever pills you are on, once a twit penetrates another, both of them are die die sure to get a lethal STD and will die in let's say... 7 days?

2) The female party usually starts her period straight after the male's penis penetrates her, leaving them with a pool of dirty blood and a very buay song ger ger.

3) The first time twits have intercourse, it doesn't bleed at all even though the girl's hymen is broken, but it will bleed profusely the other times they have sex again until the girl hits 55 years old.

4) As at a tender age of 16-18 so, virginity is still a very taboo issue to touch on. So whenever they have sex, they just have to go for Sunday mass at City Harvest and all their sins will be cleansed and they are a virgin once more. Then they start screwing around again.

5) The safest way for twits to have sex without getting any illnesses or new found babies is to install Norton Anti Virus 2005 into the P and the V drive.

6) For a more pleasurable orgasm, penetration is not a must. Pink, vintage micky lingerie and cheap perfume from a hello kitty bottle can bring any dead's man penis to life.

7) If you are considering porn videos for starters to turn you and your partner on, use ONLY japanese porn videos and the female lead should act like she traded her brain for fake gucci.

8) Shouting loudly "KAY ANN ANN BEE SEE SEE BEE!" or some stupid gang poem should boost some sperm count.

**

As much as pinksters love pink in their fashion, talk or makeup, they too love pink in their sex. Here are a list of products MOT is offering that will make you and your partner wild animals even if the guy claims to have a 12 inch boner when its only 5'11 its your first time.

Thai Imported Strawberry Flavoured Pink Condom
S$3/pack

Pink condoms, preferably strawberry flavoured. It doesn't matter if its exported from Thailand or even Pipi Island since you know twits are so stupid they'll probably end up getting assortments of STDs anyway.

Sexy 2 piece pink lingerie / flowers also used as mini vibrators
S$359

What else can be more orgasmic then a pink lingerie? DUH, pink flowers to go along with it. This tacky dress will make any female/male twit look fuckadelish.

Pretty and Pink anal plug
S$19.30

Does it matter what this is? As long as its pretty and pink, pinkstersjapsterskawaiisterscutestersfriendsters will all flock to buy this, only because its pretty and pink. :D

Fur pink handcuffs with keys that don't match
S$29

Pink handcuffs, oh the kinkiness. Don't ask me why it looks like meat patties, right now I'm very much hoping its just fur.

Safe Sex Kit that's very idiotproof
S$2.40

As said above, practising safe sex is pretty much useless for twits, but this safe sex kit is in PINK!! Pinko whamo. And for the record, its even idiot proof. They even have a condom holder, which the twits probably use as an anal plug. The personal lubricant is so pink, the twits might not be able to resist the pinkoness of it and instead of using it to ease penetration, they start smearing it all over themselves so they can shine with pinky.

That is a incomplete list of products MOT offers. For more explict products, you can email us at twitsPI@yahoo.com personally and we will send you the complete list. We at MOT ensure you a rockin' first time / highly orgasmic and mind shattering experience. For further enquiries, please call our T.T. Durai inspired hotline that only opens at alternate days of the third week of every month, from 12 noon to 1.30pm, not including lunch hour time - 1900-911-twitsdie !!!

Remember folks, do NOT feed the twits.