Sunday, September 11, 2005

How To Do Your Friendster Profile

Hello babes and hunks. Pring the King is here to share with his loyal fans some very precious and useful information.
Seriously, this will be a very good guide for twits wannabes. Or already one, yet wanna get more ideas to make their own profile seem more fancy! Here are some very interesting things you should do to your profile.

Step 1. Go to Account Settings, change your First and Last Name to something really COOL.
E.g. t00tdollie, pyNkrAwkz, bAoBeIz, pUrrPletEaRs

Step 2. For the rest of the profile, click Edit Profile.

Step 3. Announce how much you hate your school.

Step 4. Write absolute nonsense in these fields:

Step 5. In the About Me section, include a short summary of yourself.
Try to make it sound as pathetic as possible. State if you're SINGLE or ATTACHED so people don't go on wasting their time reading if you're not available.

Step 6. Remember to boast about your height/weight and your stats if you like.
If you have it, then flaunt it. Even if you don't, just be confident.

Remember to add on with a full body selfshot picture of yourself standing in front of the mirror, preferably the reflection from underground MRT station doors.

Step 7. Write all your jiemui names down
Be careful not to miss any names down as it may cause an arguement to arise. Put those in gangs up in front, just to ensure when you get into trouble, they know they're your number #1!

Step 8. List your <3 lorves <3 and <\3 tao yans <\3

The 3 MUST-HATES: Backstabbers, copycats, liars.
MUST HAVE BACKSTABBERS. Its so important if you don't have backstabbers in your list of hates you will be condemned from the Friendster community. Backstabbers, REMEMBER.

Step 9. Say you love your boyfriend aka laogong.
Even if it's only for 1 week. After you 2 have broken up, remember to change your profile and whine how much you cannot live without him.

Step 10. Add a nonsensical phrase or two.
Best if it sounds sad and depressed, as if you want to die yet you don't dare to.

Step 11. End it with a copyright.
Print that out, bring it to NTUC, go and try scanning that barcode and see if it works.
Also remember to say be original, d0nch copy.

Step 12. Describe the people you would like to meet
If you want friends, put ANYONE. If you want friends but want to act cool, put Nobody, then leave a few lines and leave your email, MSN, blog address, handphone number, IC number and any other number that can allow people to identify you.

Step 13. And remind idiots not to add you.

Step 14. Include your email address.
An email you never created, preferably.

Step 15. Tell us when you last updated this profile.

Step 16. Ask people to write you testimonials.
Occasionally give one with a ROCK ON hand signal. That makes you look very rocker and Sylvester Sim!!!
If not, basically anything will do. They do not even need to make sense. You can use the testimonial page as your chatbox.


  • When your account is finally full, put a II III IV V behind your name. It makes you seem like you're very popular because you have added many strangers into your account.

  • Add a ' or - in front of your name to make sure your name is in the first page of all of your friend's lists.

    So what are you waiting for? Go make your very own twittish friendster account NOW and make new friends!!!

  • Comments:
    my god
    LOL once again.
    if they really do print out their barcode and goes NTUC for scanning,

    the machine'll read worthless.
    Brilliant. I love this blog.
    this is basically one post that teaches us how to be a twit.
    thXx FeR tEaChInG miIe WoRrXx . BeRrIiEe UsEfUlLx LeHxX . mUaCkIeExX mUaCkIeExX . lUrBbEe ThIs BlOgGiEe . AiI nIi YiI bEiI zHiI wOrXx

    I thank this blog on people who is a twit-wannabe
    very very accurate observations. lol kill these stupid tWiTs. I do pity the caps lock key.
    tHeY uSe ThE sHifT KeYs nOt ThE cAplOcK kEys~!~ gEt uR fAcTs riGht w0rx! hUmMf!!

    Twit language.
    i lurrve thish p0stt nehhx.
    kekex.. BERYY nice w0rrx.

    Gosh. I hate girls who are twits or bimbos. Especially those who cannot spell properly.
    and i thought you guys were anit-twits!
    LMAO ROFL LOL HAHA serious pWNAGE man! to hell with all the hehexX -backstabbers- and w0rz wahhaha.....
    lolX(common look at ur keyboard the X aint even close to the letters LOL)
    ii feel datt euu all shoudd shutt upp andd nortt call us twitts.

    ... because we're dumbasses and fuckers and dont deserve being called twits because twits are to nice.

    hahah, i love this blog!

    AHAHAHHAH i am going to die laughing now
    I love this post, twits are already stupid enough, why make them more stupid than they already are?
    man .. u guys really say it all out. i salute to u guys with both hands. haha . ((:
    hahaha. oh my gosh. this is so funny! *runs off to show website to friends*
    you know, sometimes i wonder whether their hands wld be sore after adding all those unnecessary stuff like the xXxX and `~[~@*

    HAHA. and i must say, nice attempt!
    euu all vEriie bAd nehXx-* ii thiink beeingg a biimb0 iish beriie co0l worXx]]*

    hahaha. gawsh. i can imagine some bimbo saying that. haha. this blog rocks man! haha
    i LOVE this page!
    makes sense.. X)
    w0ws.tiish bl0g iish ko0l yeahhs.(x hahas.rawkk0nn.(x
    tiish blog damn ko0l nehhs.(x
    you guys rock. xD
    This site is
    キタ━━━━━━(゚∀゚)━━━━━━ !!!!!
    i lol'd hard
    omg , MOT FTW !
    oh pple shld be awarded with "Best Original Anti-Twitx" award.TWITX really suck.tYpIng LiKe tHis iS a rEaL TABOO!I really despise them man.ROCK ON!Keep posting more pictures of cheenas!im very tickled (:
    The Friendster Committee wont be happy 2 see these comments. LOL.
    Just got my friendster. Happy friendly time using Friendster I hope :)
    Man, i have the same thinking as you do. I really hate these stupid profiles. They are a disgrace to singapore's education system. After all these years of learning english deY sPeaK LikE daTxx? hUaIi dEy wanNa dO daTxx?

    your blog rocks. =) I Love it
    very entertating all your entries .. and i think i like this entry most!
    this is the most hilarious blog ever. very, very witty.
    u guys write great stuff =D
    this blog entry made me want to puke ... haha that's some funny shit ese ... MuAckieZZz!!!
    hello. friendster is actually lame to me. its name is already a living proof of how lame it is.
    a very witty and engaging post that is full of sarcasm. highly enjoyable. honestly, i think you all could give wendy cheng a run for her money.
    i support MOT.
    The english is amazing. You have the right to comment on how you feel about people, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You really speak my thoughts. Amazing. Truly amazing blog. I am wayyyy behind you people :) Thumbs up.
    I think it one of the easiest thing to do. Updating a profile is commonly done by friendster users. I too am guilty of this. I keep on making my profile look enticing to my non-friends.
    this is tooooo hilarious. HAHA!!!!!!!! great observations!!! i love your blog!!!!
    nonono, i mean ``~*i LuRBb yOuR bLoGxXx~``
    haaha. keep up the funny-ness :)
    i love this blog.

    i hate ppl who actt keaiiix.
    oh gosh. so darn irritating.
    kick them out.
    hardcore man. hardcore.
    this is pricelees! i so totally agree with the "The 3 MUST-HATES: Backstabbers, copycats, liars.
    MUST HAVE BACKSTABBERS." this is so bloody true . almost all the twit wannabes or rather the twits have these three must have ! how bloody shallow as though we dont hate them too , but life is not a fucking bed of roses honey learn to live with them . thats life !go screw yourself if you cant live with them !
    i dun like ppl type as in the " u " become " euu " . its like disgusting . n when u tok like i saw 1 person writing a comment.
    " thXx FeR tEaChInG miIe WoRrXx "
    its disgusting t0o . de worxx is like flirting wif a guy . n y put so mani X behind . its like typing error so mani times . n when u type dun waste ur time by typing so mani for example . " ii lurff euu " wasting time oni .
    why cant these people just type properly?

    man, these twits simply 'rAwKx'
    hello me again (: man, i really love this blog.
    mind if i blog this post in my blog? thkss
    I just read this and realised that at least 2 look EXACTLY like stuff taken from my friends' profiles. And I mean exactly as in, word-for-word.

    I'm going to disown them now. Thanks for opening my eyes. Love this blog btw.
    This post is SO SO INTERESTING that i read it over and over again for more than thirty times Ha, You rock man. Continue with your hilarious posts!
    this is simple Brilliant. im reading it over and over again. it cracks me up! :D
    Observant i must say .
    Yeah teens just have nothing better to do this days .
    pressing button SHIFT makes life harder , why do they wanna type like tHiS ? does it make life better ? Or it shows ur cuteness ?
    great blog for stressing out this point .

    Err 90% of girls aged 13~18
    decorate their friendster lIkE tHiS . hmm

    Idiots .
    WahXx.. euu all sio bAdd..!! wHyy saee us liddAtXx?! gO dIeXx laRhsxX!

    Lol. That seriously cracked up me. That's the reason why SG has all those speak english, speak chinese campaigns. Because our society is so full of sub-standard languages. In sms, i have nothing to say. Yet in friendster when you have like.. what, 1000 characters? =\
    rock on
    funny and hot shit.

    LOL :D

    u are so right man. =)
    thankkiewwx . i lurrbbes tiishh blogg" nahhs . shoo hellppfull de neiixx . xiie xiie . i lurrbbee euu guyys . aii sii nii menn lerrhhs . muackkiiesx . now maii frensterr profiille shoo niice le neiix . go see iibb euu wanns bahhx .

    herres dahh liinkk . nahhs .

    babiixWEES gone lerrx .
    lurrbbee lurrbbe . <3
    i wonder if ir happens tt d twit is a darn gorgeous one..will u ever shoot her with those stated comments...XD
    you should add this line

    "haTE me To ThE CoREe? cLicK thE reDd CroSs aT the ToP riGhT siDe anD FuCk OfF."
    LOL. if they are doing all that rubbish to make themselves seem cute and inncocent. they're failing.
    i cant believe how disgusting people can be.

    yes a lot of friends do that. i try to get used to it though im quite pissed off about that.

    i used to do that until i found out how retarded i actually sounded.
    This is the reason why I've sworn offf friendster.
    this is why friendster is becoming such a pain the ass... ~_~

    by the way, love your blog!
    i totally agree with this post of yours. ;D
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    you know the jacklyn and the melanie is from my scholl ! hahahhaha
    rofl really?! You must have a hard life. (:
    and this is one cool post dude.
    Who the fuck came up with twit culture man...
    i LOVE this blog!!!!!!!!!
    i shall go forth and spread this blog to all those who detests TWITS and faggoty faggots.
    laughs. the best thing that ever happened is this.
    Fuck those ACT JAP PPL. GET LOST. Cheebye.
    lao lan ppl. see their friendster profiles feel like giving them tight slaps. KNN BU CHEEBYE ! FUCK those who typed with double or triple letters ! eg: Schhooll, computterr. LOL !
    yeah i agree its damn sickening. GET A LIFE LAH.
    OMG. that is oh-so-hilarious.

    ii wiiLL Bii wAiitiiNG fErr eUu f0reVva. muuackiiEs!

    LOL. you guys are goood at this twit thing. how long did you guys take to write their language? LOL.

    That was a fan-fucking-tabulous post. Choked on my own saliva while laughing so hard.
    lmfao..This is one of your best posts yet! My niece saw my cousin typing like a twit. I told her to 'try typing like Auntie'.
    This is her masterpiece:
    "mYxxx nAmExxx iSxxx p0OtYxxx w0rrxxx
    --Then she took a look at it and added more stuff.--
    ixxx ishhxxx verriieexxx cUtExxx dex horx?" I love those 'xxx's.
    Classic post.
    goodness. gna favourite this page. hahaha.
    HAHAHA! this blog really cheered me up! :D thanks dude.
    LOL! Twits love making a short sentence like "i love you" into an "extended" version like "iilurrbeeuu". LOL!
    Simply awesome! Keep up the good work.
    Might as well they say it straight forward instead of beating around the bush.

    "ii ammx der cuuteshtxz gerr iin townxz lerhsx!!! euu r uglieex, moii notx!! lolxz"

    translation: "I am so full of myself. Please kill me if you want. Don't hold back. Lol. =)"
    omg this is highly entertaining. i hate twix language and will scold whoever who uses that stupid spastic language.
    okay.... reading the post.... it got me wondering.... where'd the hell did u learn all this shit from?? hahah.... it just seemed too "professionally" done.... it seems just too fake to claim tt u were never once a twit.... BUT.... DON'T GET ME WRONG.... it was just a thought tt came into mind as i was reading this post....
    hEyySs iT Ish HaRD tuU bE a tWIt oKaeES?? tHEy dUNchH sELl sHIfT kEys, sOO I hAbB tUu bUYY ThE wHOle kEyBOaRD whEN mUah ShiFt kEY SpoILs. eXX nORhss. soBBs...

    gosh this is hard!
    freakin awesome . i love this blog. keep it up guys. fucking HATE twits and ah lians with thier fucking underclassed shit language. illiterate bastards
    Pring is really a twit as u can see !!! he got spelling problem really !!
    Yes, yes. It is annoying seeing these twits or whatever. They are KILLING us. I mean really. First, they don't look pretty, or handsome, they use languages we've never heard of.

    I think they're from another planet. Cheers!
    rawksome much? that was awesome. like. really =] hell i hate that language. it makes me sick.
    nice blog.. lolz
    seems like friendster added an additional device for this twits in testimonials for their writing pleasure
    i love this annoying blog!!
    and some disgusting people have shared friendsters! wtf, its so disgusting.

    Wonderful and informative web site.I used information from that site its great.
    Ford triton engine 2005 pontiac montana Wide gore tex hiking shoe Ford f250 fuel reset switch Business strategy management learning
    That was wonderfully written.shho now how lehh?iie wann tuu see more lehh..lols..
    Keep up the good work
    » »
    yeah i HATE twits!
    my friend and i once searched for other bluetooth devices while we were on the train.try it wouldn't believe the sheer unadulterated crap that twits pick out as bluetooth names.revolting.

    yeah i HATE twits!
    my friend and i once searched for other bluetooth devices while we were on the train.try it wouldn't believe the sheer unadulterated crap that twits pick out as bluetooth names.revolting.

    iie l0ve tuu readd euur bl0gg, alth0ughh iie hatte twiits ! iie lurbb thiish bl0ggiie sh0 much nehhxsxsxsxsxsxZ !
    [eew . what horrible writing .]
    horoscope matchmaking
    hahaha here by accident and now im LMAO..haha will be checking this blog reg. haha

    cheers from the phil. =)
    lol. n1
    this is fucking awesome :D
    euu doNch sO meanxxx to purpurhs liikexx usHh okiiess? latterX nO1 willx viisiitxx euu blogiiesxzz

    They totally spoil the whole sg culture. i mean,the taiwanese are already,no offense,bad enough,after ripping off from the kawaii japanese girls, and now twits are imitating the taiwanese? isn't that like a double rip-off? MY GOD. where do they even find time to compose such a wonderful hell of a msg.EEEWW.
    why is MOST of MALE INDIAN NATIONALS and ARABIAN MEN are so sex maniacs?They usually invite for s*xxxxxxxxx and s*xxxxxxxxx.. are they desperate for that? any reactions? and correct me if i'm wrong.. oppps! remember, i said "most"........ anyway, i'm just asking..
    margarette said omg
    Anti-twits ? anti the whole group of you all better. i wan to twit leh,what can euu do lehx ? we twit you tweets :) !
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