Thursday, March 31, 2005

What's a Twit?

We've got guests! There you have in my tagboard, ....... and anonymous. I shall referto them as Ms Dot and Ms Unknown. I seriously don't think they are males. But if they are,what faggots.

Ms Dot said, "whatever you think la..say things like that and u peeps willsay i'm a twit..i think camry is the beat example for a twit.."

To clear up the messy confusion everyone has here, let me explain what makes a Twit.

1) Superb typing skills. Twits have amazingly mastered their pathetic little brains to control their fingers to type with alternate caps. I'd suggest they stop doing that else their poor brain will explode soon.

2) Weird mentality. Somehow, twits tend to think very differently from most homo-sapiens. They call it CREATIVITY. They enjoying habouring ideas of creating pink dancing thongs as toys for toddlers so that Singapore's population would be flooded with them in future! They're just waiting for the right chance to launch into the market. But unfortunately, their ancestor's inheritance have been squandered by them lavishly.

3) Spastic sense of answering questions. Each time they're engaged in a topic, twits have a fetish to make irrelevant comments such as "dogs lyk euie all r sho disobedient, stp tis nonsence!" when we were simply discussing about the importance of English.

By the way, if I'm a dog, I'll be busy screwing a bitch.
And if I were to find one, that'll be you, Ms Anonymous.
On second thought, I would not risk myself into getting Gonorrhea that your mom has passed to you when she screwed your greatgrandfather.

4) Attention grabbers. Twits love attention. And that's what we're here for. Twits would resort to any methods just to get attention, such as using their ever whiney voice to scream at an ant 10 metres away.

Museum of Twits 10m

Beware Of Screaming Chippie

But times has become so bad that they have to steal attention now. Ms Anonymous, who has identified herself as Cindy's friend, is obviously jealous of all the attention Cindy is getting. And so she has come upon our sacred board to divert all attention to her. Ms Dot is also feeling that pang of jealously, thus starts to divert our attention to herself too. Gaaaah. This is so confusing.

5) Horrible language. A very prominent factor of a twit. You will never spot them without lehs, lors and lahs in their sentences. Most of the time its incomprehensible. Thanks to the fact that we proper homo-sapiens have the ability to analyse and digest infomation, we've cleverly outwitted them. That is, WE are able to understand what they say; but their mutilated brains are unable to understand our language.

forget it, euie tis kinda of ppl r hard to interact wif,dunnit to use cheem english to de miie , i noe i`m nt good inenglish ...

The wonder of Languages.
English with Chinese would be "wo men ish..."
English with Hokkien would be "they ji siao me lor"
English with Malay would be "my boifren lagi yandao"

6) Contradiction. Twits are always contradicting with their own words and actions.
From Ms Anonymous "euie tink i gif a darm to wad euie all toking abt? stp ur nonsence!"

If she doesn't give a DARM (from what I concluded to be DAMN) to what we've posted, she wouldn't be posting like a mad spastic in our board. She wouldn't even have spent time reading and conclude to herself that it is nonsence (yes its nonsense, she can't spell)

7) No mind of their own.

Quoted from Ms Dot
23:08:31pm "stop it la all want then talk about cindy tt slut..don't say others la.."
23:11:50pm "i don't like cindy want..that is why i'm here.."
23:19:09pm "i think it is you people who are wasting time instead of the anonymous lo.. stop all your rubbish la.. you will get your retribution want lo.."
23:28:43pm "i just find it unreasonabe because anonymous is an innocent party yet you peeps are quarrelin with her.. i don't mind you talkin about others in the blog because that is what your blog is for.."
23:26:35pm "fuck off la you peeps..acts mature but infact you peeps are not at all.."

The only adjective I can think of to describe this, IRONIC. Twits can't fucking make up their minds to stick to a point.

8) Annoying. Just like what my blog says.

So who's the twit eh? *drum roll* (for the sake of other twits who still don't get it) Ms Dot and Ms Anonymous! *applause*

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

0.1 Add On

Look what I just saw at
Testimonial from 'bendan III to LubxLesS on 3/25/2005.

we are anti-copycats

ltr can mit eu again.. hee.. go gaigai
agn.. cox ytd din walk at all rite.. cox jan
der shae wad we shop non-stop.. hai me
wan see tings oso cnnt.. hee..

sho long neber shee lingg oso.. kakax.. i
missh her.. i missh eu.. i missh him*..

ciin dy -

I think they anti themselves! O_O DAMN!
Anyway, I don't get the purpose of the "testimonial". Is that a testimonial even?
What is a testimonial?
From, it's stated as something that recommends (or expresses commendation) of a person or thing as worthy or desirable.

Okay, so you get my point. Pick me a sentence or phrase that recommends (or expresses commendation) of LubxLesS as worthy or desirable. I think she feels her blog is not enough for her to post her boring bullshit daily. Now, she still needs to use Friendster to show off the beautiful way she types. Poor thing.

Pardon me, where's Newbie World? I haven't heard of that.. but New World Order, yes. I think I cannot catch up with fashion already. All I can say is.. GOD! What a bimbo! Haha! Or airhead, you say? :) Love skirts.. woah, she still insists on PLAITED ones, okay? and off-shoulders. Woot! Love her jiemuiis... and HIM*.. plus many more cheap stuff. :)

Someone also ought to tell her that her horoscope is Aquarius, not aQuariU. Or is really she that special?

Spotlight Feature 0.1

Today's spotlight's will be featuring on a very special guest...

(see that spot of light covering her ~!@^&* face?)
'bendan III

It was very kind of her to let me have an brief interview despite her busy schedules of boys after boys after boys. Now lets know more about her shall we?

(Due to the well being of the audience, originally alternate-capped texts by 'bendan III have been editted back to normal texts)

"Hi 'bendan III, please make a brief introduction of yourself."

"Oh, I am Cindee and I lurvves bois norhx, hehexxx. "

"Yes I can see that obviously Cindy. so, what do you enjoy doing?"

"Well, I enjoys slping with yizhan,lynn and zhen; also known as group orgy lorx..."

"*in disgust* Oh ok, anyways, where do you like to hang around?"

"Me arhs, I loves window shopping der lorx... at cineleisure, plaza singapura, bugis and heeren.. because I all can afford ish just to look look see see at them marhss..."

"But that's only during day time right?"

"Yuppiex, I spends my night life at fareast slacking with my equally brainless kors, meis, dis and sistas lorx then we stare green with envy at ppl who are able to get a piercings and tattoos. SO ZAI DER LEHX!"

"So I suppose you are not wealthy. But what happens when you are really poor?"

"When I gets really poor arhx, i'll visit Junction8 to listen free songs played from the stores norhxxx..."

"Are there times you actually have money? What do you spend them on?"

"Hmmmxxx,i will buy my cheapskate accessories such as bracelets, earrings, rings and toerings from well known cheapskate places such as 77th street,ice lemon tea and of course newbie world lahxx (note that all stores can be found in Junction8)"

"Seems like you do have some money afterall."

"Of cos lahzz, I can affords a branded piece of GIORDANO tshirt de norz. The unique off-shoulder design is a actually result of my clothes being ripped on the top when a bangala went out of his mind to actually screw me."(after making out the poor bangalah committed suicide for he cannot recover from the shock and insult he suffered, amen)

"I'm sure you'll look prettehugleh in that."

"What you says ahhx?"

"I meant, you'll definately look pretty and gorgeous in that" *coughs*

"Orhxxx Thankiews Hees. Oh Mua Goddie eu cough leiis gort TB marhsss?!"

gets the urge to slam Cindy's head against the concrete wall.

"Right so how do you think of your body?"

"Ermmsh my nipples are most of the time sweet sweet and milky pink de norhhs. when pinched, they turn brown ders hehexxx,sumtimes they turn black from over cooking my breast at barberques lorrrs.i also enjoys taking sensual photos when entertaining my clients at kbox heeheesss.."

"You have a job?"

"Of cos larhxxxx. Must hab income mahzzzzz"

"What other things will you spend your salary on? Except for those mentioned aboved?"

"More clothes and pasamalam products like vondutch bags and poseur caps!!" *answers excitedly

"Thats... cute. Oh yes, what do you detest Cindy?"

"Eeees. I tell eu horxxx, I especially hates bangalas wib dua kangs de norrx. They beri hard to satisfy derrs. Owaes make me feel depressed bcos my finger too small to fufil their needs. Haiixxx "

"You love black don't you. How do you think of school?"

"Arrhsss, failing my exams and tests has become a routine.. heeheexx used to it lerzzz rules and regulations means nothing to me lorzz, i loves the thrill of having underaged sex with men as mature as 46 years old der lehzzz.."

"Is that why you call yourself Bendan?"

"Harhs? Me dunch understands what eu asking nehs.."

"Nevermind...We've come to the end of this interview session, is there anything you would like to add on?"

"Gort gorttz, puhleasee introx to mie more clients worzzz. kakax thankiews arhzzz.."

"Thank you Cindy, I look forward to slamming your head against that wall."

"Urhh whatt?"

slams Cindy against the wall; Cindy falls unconsious. KOed.

Dumb Cindy must have been so happy about the interview. Somehow she manage to stress her little brain and simplify our interview further and noted them down in her blog. Sure I'll show you! I'm not lying about the interview at all.

This is excatly what she has in her blog.

name :Cindy
age: 15
birthday : 15.o2.9o aQuariU
loves: lynn`zhen`yizhan`him*`shoppin `singing `kbox`tak photos `slping `missing him`loving him`hanging out wit my jiemeis` buying more clothes `slacking `night life `stars`plaza singapura `bugis`fareast`heeren`cineleisure` j8`listening to songs `kor`mei`di`sistas`poa clothes`77th street`ice lemon tee`ebase clothes`newbie world`dcp`giordano`off-shoulders`plaited skirts`more tees`more skirt`more money`more clothes`anklets `bracelets`earrings `rings `toe rings `necklaces`sweet pink `milky pink`brown`black`navy green`purple`hello kitty`baby pooh`tongue piercing`piercings`red,blue,green contact lens`vondutch bags`caps`more money`
restrictions` sun` sweat`no money`being put aeroplane` failing my tests&exams

Neither did anyone knows that behind her happy faces, hides her dark secrets. I was attentive enough to check up on her medical profile so that I can have a better understanding of her. Let me share them with you yea?

My deepest sympathy to her. In case you've not noticed, her vagina is developed at the wrong end of her body. Poor Cindy has to go through all the embarrasment she will face each time her period comes... Blood oozing out of her scalp. Now that explains the theory of a brain drainage. By now you audience will see the cause of her stupidty. Thats right, her uterus has taken up so much space in her empty skull that it spares no capacity for the brain. So where does it goes? DOWN

To the ass.

To all, it might be a cheap and easy way to dye your hair, but I do not recommend this. If all homo-sapiens start being so lowclass and "SHEN SHEN SHEN", Shop and Save will have got to wind down sooner than it thought.

Don't believe she's cheapskate? Fine...I shall convince you further.

Does the colour on her nails look familar? Yes its yet another cheapskate menicure, using The Highlighter. It's amazing how cheapskate youths can become nowadays. And the result of having cheapskate menicure and not washing your fingers after masturbating?

Black rotten fingernails. Look at her sniffing her fingers happily. Must be the cum.

Convinced now?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Bite Bite Euu Arh

Presenting to you, a converstation showing how twits talk (and spell) brainlessly nowadaysThe channel name shall not be disclosed due to the fact that it has got nothing to do with the twitParts have been edited and deleted to save space. Its too much of a rubbish anywayJCDenton is just another idiot who's actually bothered to talk to a twit.
[09:55] * nba`gal (>) has joined #--- [09:57] * nba`gal ×kîcks JCDenton 0întø thë øvên & båkës JCDenton 0tîl chåø tå × [09:57] * JCDenton 15,1throws the whole Toyota Corolla Levin SR AE85 aT nba`gal. [09:58] nba`gal: o.o [09:58] nba`gal: ddun aalwiiz uuse ttishh 1. [09:58] nba`gal: ssh0 ssiann 1 . [09:58] nba`gal: lolx... [09:58] * JCDenton throws the whole candy box at nba`gal. [09:58] JCDenton: =X [09:58] nba`gal: YYESHH. [09:58] nba`gal: tt`x dda rrytee wwae. [09:58] nba`gal: xD [09:59] nba`gal: ssenii0rr. [09:59] nba`gal: ttcherrs ddae gg0 bbackk amkps ! . xD [09:59] JCDenton: -_-" [09:59] JCDenton: sianzzz... [09:59] nba`gal: -.-! [09:59] JCDenton: lolx... [09:59] nba`gal: ii hate yyew blardyy asshole. [09:59] nba`gal: xD> [09:59] JCDenton: go there also got no one i noe... [09:59] nba`gal: wwhadd`x uurr sec skewll?. [09:59] nba`gal: MIE!! [09:59] nba`gal: YEW DUNNO MIE?! [09:59] nba`gal: lol. [09:59] nba`gal: o.o [10:00] JCDenton: anyway, my sec sch is chong boon sec... [10:00] JCDenton: lol. [10:00] nba`gal: gg0rtt pp0iis0n 1?. [10:00] nba`gal: ch0ng b0on !! . [10:01] JCDenton: ? ¿ ? [10:01] nba`gal: ii b0onn ch0ngg. [10:01] nba`gal: xD. [10:01] * JCDenton blur... [10:01] nba`gal: s0t0ng [10:03] * nba`gal « µsë dµrîån & pøkë JCDenton ! hehehehe » [10:03] nba`gal: rrmbb gg0 bbackk amkps ! [10:03] nba`gal: xD [10:03] nba`gal: gg0 c dda nnew ttcherrs . bwahahass. [10:06] nba`gal: gg0 bbackk amkps c cchii0buus . [10:06] nba`gal: xD. [10:14] nba`gal: —0+`0.. [• shø cleberr. 0•] .0.´0+— [10:14] nba`gal: xD [10:16] * JCDenton use a Steering Wheel and slaps nba`gal face. [10:16] nba`gal: o.o. [10:16] nba`gal: buuwwe uurr juunii0rr. [10:16] nba`gal: hh0ww ccan ww0rs [10:18] nba`gal: mmua 348 testies g0ne. [10:18] nba`gal: fcukk frewnsterr . xD [10:53] * nba`gal † ßîtës ßîtës ßîtës JCDenton ! ßlëåhhs. †
The funny thing is, she decides she wants to fuck Friendster and is so proud of her decision. Look at that smiley! xD Ain' cute?
Can you believe she's schooling? I wonder what the fuck the MOE are making schools teach. Does she even pass her spelling in school? Its atrocious. You might want to paste that whole conversation into Microsoft Word and check how many spelling errors there are. But I guess you won't be able to find any, for her words are far too "CHEEM" to even make out what on earth its supposed to mean in the first place.
Why is there a need to repeat your alphabets in your every word? Explain in the case of "juunii0rr" So she spends that few seconds typing 4 extra alphabets and 1 digit instead of using the precious time to think. No wonder she sounds so spastic. Or rather, type so spastically. In that case you can't really blame her for doing so. She's got no control of her muscles and brain at all that she does moronic stuffs without thinking.
ttcherrs ddae gg0 bbackk amkps ! . gg0rtt pp0iis0n 1?. wwhadd`x uurr sec skewll?.
Is there a need to add a fullstop after an exclamation mark or question mark in a sentence? No. Like I mentioned, apparently she doesn't listen to her english teacher in school. Probably spending her time looking at the horrendous monster in her pocket mirror, or thinking of new ways to torture her ssenii0rr. Durian torturing is way out girl, you might want to consider new tricks such as using an ahbeng's-must-have-zippo to light up his nostrils hair and watch him sneeze out all the ashes remained.
[10:00] nba`gal: ch0ng b0on !! . [10:01] JCDenton: ? ¿ ? [10:01] nba`gal: ii b0onn ch0ngg.
Don't ask me what that means. I'll stick to my inference that she's a spastic case. She's really got me worrying what is going to happen to Singapore in the next 10 years down the road. Will Singapore vanish due to the stupidity in its population?
And she lives stupidly ever after...

Sunday, March 13, 2005

What's An Ah Lian?

Need help understanding what one ah lian is? Let me tell you.
If you satisfy 10 or more criteria, oh man, I feel sorry.
10 or more, okay?
10 or more.

1. Long rebonded hair when hair is ALREADY straight
2. Act cute poses when taking neoprints
3. Type with aLtErNaTe CaPs ^^ or alot of additional letters. "xiiaogurrl" :x
4. Add S, Z, X to the back of every word
5. Use "wOr" 'hEe' "nEhz" 'kEkEx' "mAhx" 'oHhz' or something like that
6. Include "gal" "girl" or "ger" in their usernames
7. Sometimes fat thighs + short DENIM skirts
8. Include unimportant information in their friendster (height, weight. LOL)
9. Add strangers to their account
10. "gerr misshh boii" "lorve euu" =pPp
11. Include their sad love fairytales in their friendster [[waitin fer yew ta cum back]]
12. Shop at aunty boutiques. (THIS FASHION)
13. Fetish for PINK. Everything HAS to be PINK.
14. Call themselves weird names. MILKster PINKster Pinkalicious missyprincess tootdolliex xiaokeaii- ahhlynn sadahgal
16. Many god-bros and sis.
17. Yell, "NNB! Diao simi diao?" when you look at them
18. Loves techno
19. Wears PMK, NWO, Von Dutch
20. Attention-seeking hair color. Purple, Green, or Red.
21. Know nothing else except HOKKIEN profanities. :)


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