Monday, August 22, 2005

Some random fan mail.

M.O.T is proud to announce that we have finally hit our 10th fan mail. YAHOOBEEDOO. Yes, we started out in early March this year, and now that its halfway through August, we have only 10 miserable emails in our inbox.

10 fucking stupid mails, and half of them are from the same people. Fuck, we don't even receive hatemails. What do our readers do after they read M.O.T anyway? Go read about how Xiaxue clubs and how she calls her mother momo? Even our friendster has only a whoopin 15 friends. If there are as many twits hater as we are told in our pink gh3y tagboard, send us a fucking email, sign us up for donkey porn, anything.

We, like every other nipple sucking baby, need reassurance. We need to be constantly reminded that our readers love us. Even if you hate us and think we're the worst thing ever since the bubble tea craze ended, email us and tell us how much you want us dead.

EMAIL US NOW. *showers voodoo fairy dust that smells very much like pepper and start chanting* EMAIL US NOW. EMAIL US NOW. EMAIL US NOW. EMAIL US NOW.

If that didn't work..

+_.// ~ ttelll m0ii euu h3arTtx mmeee!! ~ \\._+

or..

If you send us a mail before midnight, your crush will tell you something very important ("you stupid belching sucker") before you go to sleep. If you break this chain, your crush will neber tok to euu 184.

Heh, quickly tell us you love us.

Anyway, despite the very little 10 emails we have received, we've decided to bluff you stupid but very nice and lovable readers that its our 100th and we're celebrating it the xiaxue way.

Yes, that's right. We're actually desperate fans of xiaxue that can't get enough of her godlike photshopped pictures. So we're doing what Xiaxue would have done if she was in our shoes. We're going to post your stupid email here and show it to the world wide web.




Our 10th 100th email, and it asks us some dumb question.

Of course, we're more than please to answer TJ's question, since its our 100th email and we have no grand prize for you, we can only publish your email in our blog and make you an instant celebrity, more instant than Fiona Xie's breasts.

So how do a perfectly sane and twittish-free person deal with some childish people, if I would assume, some stupid twits?

Well, the very basic thing you can do is to understand their thinking. You have to realise that these people are what I would call, fucking stupid pieces of purds that have their scroctums for their brains. To understand them, be one with them, we have to make a connection. Take modem speeds for example. You try sending a 2 hour long home-made porn file with a 512k modem to some random jackass with a 56k modem. By the time the file is totally transfered, the jackass would have probably ejaculated 27 times.

However, it is almost impossible to increase their brain power, since their brains are too congested with the *%&$^%#^$)()!#$\/ that are decorated all over every other word. So you have to give in a little and think like some dumb ugly kid who believes the whole world loves you just because you have 14 friendster accounts and 7000 friends.

When you have sunk that low, there will, of course be side effects. You might start to feel that everyone's not treating your fairly, and your life revolves around your jiemuis, dis and kors. You start listening to My Chemical Romance and aspire to form a band, and you even planned on taking a neoprint with your band. You call your band Pink Crescent Love and make a new genre of music called "Heavy Pink Rock". When that happens, please refrain from cutting yourself and remind yourself continuously that this is all for a good cause. However, when you step over the limit and start learning Para Para dance moves that were extinct eons ago.. EVACUATE MISSION ASAP. DO NOT MAKE ANY CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND QUARENTINE YOURSELF. CALL THE 1900-911-freechat MAKE A FRIEND HOTLINE WHEN YOU FEEL BORED AND FOOD RATIONS WILL BE DROPPED INTO YOUR HOUSE THROUGH HELICOPTERS WEEKLY.

We have achieved our first goal. Let's head on to the second.

I know this might sound really sad, but you have to mingle with those twits you want to deal with, become part of their jiemuis gang or whatsoever. Go town with them at least eight times a week and hug each other and start squealing for no apparent reason now and then. Make a blog with layouts from _\\baby-d0ll_wawa\\ that must have pink. Important point to note, must have pink. Start blogging about how you love your jiemuis gang and how you all will be jiemuis 184. Make a tagboard and call it your boardie. Pose as some anonymous fella and scold yourself and your jiemuis in your own tagboard. Then use your original identity and start scolding anonymous and jioing anonymous out to settle. Be as vulgar as possible, it makes you seem loyal and everyone likes fierce girls, all thanks to My Sassy Girlfriend.

When you have broken into their little miserable circle of friends, step two is thus a success. You have infiltrated their group and like a trojan, you wait.. you bond.. you make real close connections with each and everyone of them.. then you strike.

Every twit hates backstabbers, no doubt about that. They don't hate pickpockets, robbers, thieves, murderers, rapists, paedophiles, illegal immigrants, homosexuals, but they hate backstabbers. So with that in mind, do what a girl does best.

Bitch, and bitch, and bitch like your pussy has sand in it. Tell 'A' about how 'B' is seeing the guy that asked for her number. Tell 'C' how 'B' stole her idea for their monday's town outing's dress. Tell 'B' how 'A' complains about her hitting on other people's guys. Tell 'B' how 'C' accused her of being a copycat. Tell 'D' only you think that she is pretty. The other jiemuis are jealous of her beauty and are badmouthing her. Tell 'A', 'B' and 'C' that 'D' is still a virgin. Tell 'E' her grandma in korea is dying.

There, if you followed my example, give it a day or two all of them will be at each other's throats. Jiemuis no more, and they will all disperse and fade into their own circles of friends. Well, for 'E', you can tell her her grandma last minute decided to migrate to Japan. 'E' will be so busy in Japan shopping for pink and more pink, she won't even notice anyone's missing.

There, T.J. The very effective yet simple method to deal with those brainless twits. And they'll still think you're the best jie ever, never once backstabbing them. They will send u pretty and decorated goodnight SMS to you every night and you will be on your bed laughing your mighty M.O.T-ed ass off at what stupid losers they are.

HA, HA.

Also, to fans of HVV (if there were even any in the first place), HVV has to go over to Melbourne for some exchange program in his job, who cares :x, so for now it would be just the two of us. But don't fret, HVV will be back before the next Harry Potter book comes out, bigger and better.

So if any of you have any well wishes for HVV, please send them over to twitsPI@yahoo.com. HVV will make sure he replies to each and every fan/hate mail, if anyone bothers to send one, that is.

So from the two of us in M.O.T, we wish you a safe trip and a fast return, you darned HVV. WE LOVE EUUZXXZXZX.

*starts searching for fen shou kuai le lyrics to copy and paste up here*


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